‘Suppose everyone had a box with something in it: we call it a “beetle”. No one can look into anyone else’s box, and everyone says he knows what a beetle is only by looking at his beetle.’ — Ludwig Wittgenstein, Philosophical Investigations, Sec. 293.
Behaviourism: People say there’s a beetle inside the box.
Cosmopsychism: We are all inside the beetle in the box.
Eliminativism: There’s no beetle in the box.
Epiphenomenalism: There’s a beetle in the box but it’s harmless.
Emergentism: If the box is fancy enough, a beetle will appear inside it.
First-order representationalism: The beetle in the box is transparent.
Higher-order thought theory: When you think about the box, a beetle appears inside it.
Higher-order perception theory: When you look at the box, a beetle appears inside it.
Illusionism: It only seems as if there’s a beetle in the box.
Interactionism: There’s a beetle in the box and it bites.
Materialism: There’s a beetle in my brain.
Mysterianism: I’ll never understand how the beetle got into the box.
New physics: The beetle got into the box through microtubules.
Nonreductive materialism: There’s a beetle in my brain but it’s hiding.
Panpsychism: Electrons have tiny boxes with tiny beetles in them.
Property dualism: The beetle in the box is made out of ectoplasm.
Quietism: Beetle? Box?
Self-representationalism: When you put the box in front of a mirror, a beetle appears inside it.