Beetles and consciousness

A beetle in a box

‘Suppose everyone had a box with something in it: we call it a “beetle”. No one can look into anyone else’s box, and everyone says he knows what a beetle is only by looking at his beetle.’ — Ludwig Wittgenstein, Philosophical Investigations, Sec. 293.

Behaviourism: People talk about beetles.

Cosmopsychism: There’s a cosmic beetle, man.

Eliminativism: There are no beetles.

Epiphenomenalism: Beetles don’t bite.

Emergentism: Beetles appear when you don’t expect them.

First-order representationalism: Beetles are transparent.

Higher-order thought theory: Beetles appear when you think about a beetle box.

Higher-order perception theory: Beetles appear when you look at a beetle box.

Illusionism: It only seems as if there are beetles.

Interactionism: Beetles bite.

Materialism: Beetles live in our brains.

Mysterianism: I’ll never understand where beetles come from.

New physics: Beetles crawl out of microtubules.

Nonreductive materialism: Beetles hide in our brains.

Panpsychism: There are subatomic beetles.

Property dualism: Beetles are spiritual creatures.

Quietism: Beetles?

Self-representationalism: Beetles carry mirrors.