Monochrome Mary

With apologies to Paul McCartney

Ah, look at all the lovely colours
Ah, look at all the lovely colours

Monochrome Mary
Studies a book in a room where no colour is seen
Has never seen green
Stares at a printout
Knowing the facts of the brain and the tricks of the psych
What is it like?

All the lovely colours
What do the brain scans hide?
All the lovely colours
What would she learn outside?


With apologies to John Lennon

Imagine there’re no qualia
It’s easy if you try
No feel or what-it’s-likeness
Just plain old cog sci

Imagine all the zombies
Being just like us

Imagine there’re no inverts
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing for Mary to learn
And no hard problem, too

Imagine all the people
Being illusionist

You may say I’m a quiner
But there’s nothing wrong with that
I hope someday you’ll join us
And learn what it’s like to be a bat.

Good News

With apologies to Tom Lehrer

Well, I’ve got some good news for everyone:
There’s no need for you to fear the atom bomb;
We’re not going to fry as death falls from the sky,
And we won ‘t all be blown to kingdom come.
For . . . . . .

The Corona bug will kill us all —
Young and old, fat and thin, short and tall.
It will wreak its devastation
Through every tribe and nation,
And we’ll all be post mortem by the fall!

There ain’t going to be no World War Three.
That’ s good news, I am sure you will agree.
We’re not travelling head on
To nuclear Armageddon
And death by radi-o-activi-ty.
For . . . . . .

The Corona bug will kill us all —

But though the atom bombs will not go off,
They’ve brought us to this pass, sure enough.
If we’d built more ventilators
‘Stead of fighting folks who hate us,
Then we wouldn’t all be checking out with a cough!
For . . . . . .

The Corona bug will kill us all —

Spring 2020